CERTAIN ASPECTS OF LOVE (2).

Swajan : Mota, it seems a rare event to achieve love that you just described earlier. It appears that we need to develop subtle discretion before embarking to live the life full of love. Otherwise the needed tolerance can turn into burning unhappiness and weakness. How can we avoid attachment while experiencing love?

Pujya Shree Mota : All the occasions and all the people that come in one's contact while performing the duty become the tool for one to experience true love if one has this eagerness to achieve it. It is achieved if one performs all one's actions with awareness, knowledge and keeping the purpose of self improvement all the time. One can progress if the actions are taken just with loving nature but the progress is limited and there is a chance of a set back.

True love is without attachment. It is not true that the subtle distinction between love and attachment is known only to saints. Lots of time the love in ordinary sense is only the attachment. Love is not like bubbly and effervescent liquid that becomes flat in a moment. It is a bhava that flows with depth, quietness, determination and majesty of an ocean. This love has depth as well as expansion. It is even proper to compare it with sky or space since it is all pervading and yet unattached. Attachment throws one on the ground but the love helps to get up. To develop and receive this love is sadhana itself. It is even a misunderstanding to consider it as a part of sadhana. It is sadhana as well as siddhi (accomplishment, final emancipation). It is never possible to act appropriately without this pure vision achieved with non attachment. This appropriate action is mandatory for the one who always wishes good of one's loved ones. At appropriate times one must act with heartfelt sincerity in one's actions.

Pujya Shree Mota
Dampatya bhavna
Edition 5; page 25 - 26. 

CERTAIN ASPECTS OF LOVE (1).

Swajan : What kind of changes we experience when love establishes in our nature?

Pujya Shree Mota : Generosity of the nature (ઉદાર માનસ) is only the first step towards love. It is just the beginning of love when you tolerate people of different nature. This is just the beginning of expression of love. Generosity of the nature means tolerating without responding to misunderstanding, sarcastic remarks, unreasonable behavior, arrogant or extremely dull nature, oppositional nature, false accusations and personal hurtful speech. But there is still built in tinge of unhappiness in this generosity of nature. True love does not have even this unhappiness. Love accepts physical and mental difficulties with peace and never sings to its own tune.

Love keeps silence about its sacrifice and at the same it is without ego. Ego and arrogance can never co exist with love. Infatuation and love are like darkness and light. More the attachment and infatuation less is the love. Infatuation is blind and yet love being the form of all pervading God has innumerable eyes. Love can appear to be very tough and yet it always has the welfare of the loved one in its mind. Love is not soft, weak sentimental emotion. It always keeps the welfare of the loved ones at the forefront in his behavior. It is not love to act to one's liking. That is either weakness or flattery. Some times the loved one may understand differently, get angry, or take revenge.  Love may appear to take tough action and yet one's heart will always be soft and soaked with love. One with love will respond to blows and counter blows with deep love from the heart. He will happily accept all the troubles as the gift from God and understand that all these trouble are for his own good. As the tolerance develops hatred and malice gets converted into love. Eventually this behavior with love does not stay confined to one or more people but spreads to all creatures and it sublimates into God himself.

Pujya Shree Mota
Dampatya bhavna
Edition 5; pages 24 - 25.

MARRIAGE -- ADVICE TO WOMEN.

Woman devotee : Mota, you had warned us and yet I and my husband fought with each other when we visited our family. We could not control ourselves. I realize that I am a bad person.

Pujya Shree Mota : You are not a bad person. I just felt bad that both of you made a scene at somebody's home and could not keep peace. My hopes were dashed and we were the objects of ridicule. All of us lost our honor especially I. It is so bad that you lost the sense of discretion even  when it was somebody else's home. Is it proper to enhance the honor of your loved one or demolish it? I know that you cannot clap with one hand and yet if we keep quiet and swallow the pride with smiling face, there can only be joy. You should keep quite when he is upset and vice a versa. If you take this vow or follow that edict then there will be happiness. Life gets miserable when we speak whatever comes in our head.

I want to see both of you as happy as birds dancing with joy.
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We should do every thing with all the pure intentions for our loved one and see that his life becomes comfortable and easy. We should have instant comprehension in our heart regarding his likes and dislikes of food. Our dream and goal to please him should always be in our mind. There should be a conviction and peacefulness in our heart, that if we follow our duty with goodness of the heart there will always be reciprocity from him. It is not important for us to see what the other person does or does not. I have this ideal in my heart that both of you live majestic life and that both of you dance to the divine tune of natraj (નટરાજ, epithet of Shiva) with one spirit, tune and rhythm. You follow my advice to change your nature. It is not easy to bear Mota's patter. His spirit of love is hard to digest. Can you bear all these?

Your husband should never have a reason to get upset. We must control our temper especially in somebody else's presence. You will have less and less intimacy due to this habit of quarreling. This is the result of youth and flood of inner natural tendencies in both of you. It may be too late and there may not be a possibility of harmony of hearts later in life. So beware and forewarned.
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You will experience peace, satisfaction and happiness by developing heartfelt goodness towards the family.

Pujya Shree Mota
Dampatya Bhavna
Edition 5; excerpts from pages 109 - 112.

MARRIAGE -- ADVICE TO MEN

Swajan : After my marriage I am facing difficulties that were not imagined or expected. My wife does not listen to me. She does not show any eagerness to see my convenience. She never does any thing to please me. If I say something she takes an offense and threatens to leave me. I am fed up with her telling me the stuff that I do not want to hear. I am very discouraged.

Pujya Shree Mota : I am saddened by the state of your marriage but not hopeless. I am never hopeless. Some men have the nature of owning the women during married life. They think that wives should act according to their beliefs. They have a firm belief that wives should always obey their wishes. Some men also believe that women do not have intelligence or any emotions and are born to serve men. We have also heard that they do not have any skills or understanding. These opinions are passed along traditionally, making the beliefs firmly established.

Just as I show women their dharma (duty), men also are shown their dharma. What kind of children are born where women are treated this way. What can you expect where women are treated as slaves. If there is love flowing from the heart then even the slavery becomes bearable. They also have aspirations to progress and be happy in their hearts and you must understand this.

You are responsible for the present state of affairs of your marriage. Any one who can improve the marriage is you. It is a shame that a newly married woman wants to go to her parent's place. You are shaming the family by your behavior. Well, do you want to live this kind of unhappy and discordant life? There is nothing in your wife that should make you unhappy or quarrelsome. This is the mirror image of your own unhappiness. Your mind cannot accept even the good advice.

You should be aware of your own nature especially when it is trying to overpower you. Do naam smaran and ask for His help with love. If you do this then it is possible to rise above your nature. You will go to the bottom if you surrender to your nature. No body succeeds in any field without great effort. Nothing will happen till you sacrifice your own nature.

If you have a burning desire (bhavna) that both of you have a happy married life, then express and materialize that bhavna in your life.

Pujya Shree Mota
Excerpts from Dampatya bhavna
Edition 5; pages 68 - 73.

My two cents -- Pujya Shree Mota has expressed his views on marriage in different books and on various occasions. These views were complied by Shree Rameshbhai Bhatt in the book "Dampatya bhavna" in the format of "questions and answers". I have translated excerpts from this book.
These views were expressed more then 40 to 50 years back in India.