Swajan : After my marriage I am facing difficulties that were not imagined or expected. My wife does not listen to me. She does not show any eagerness to see my convenience. She never does any thing to please me. If I say something she takes an offense and threatens to leave me. I am fed up with her telling me the stuff that I do not want to hear. I am very discouraged.
Pujya Shree Mota : I am saddened by the state of your marriage but not hopeless. I am never hopeless. Some men have the nature of owning the women during married life. They think that wives should act according to their beliefs. They have a firm belief that wives should always obey their wishes. Some men also believe that women do not have intelligence or any emotions and are born to serve men. We have also heard that they do not have any skills or understanding. These opinions are passed along traditionally, making the beliefs firmly established.
Just as I show women their dharma (duty), men also are shown their dharma. What kind of children are born where women are treated this way. What can you expect where women are treated as slaves. If there is love flowing from the heart then even the slavery becomes bearable. They also have aspirations to progress and be happy in their hearts and you must understand this.
You are responsible for the present state of affairs of your marriage. Any one who can improve the marriage is you. It is a shame that a newly married woman wants to go to her parent's place. You are shaming the family by your behavior. Well, do you want to live this kind of unhappy and discordant life? There is nothing in your wife that should make you unhappy or quarrelsome. This is the mirror image of your own unhappiness. Your mind cannot accept even the good advice.
You should be aware of your own nature especially when it is trying to overpower you. Do naam smaran and ask for His help with love. If you do this then it is possible to rise above your nature. You will go to the bottom if you surrender to your nature. No body succeeds in any field without great effort. Nothing will happen till you sacrifice your own nature.
If you have a burning desire (bhavna) that both of you have a happy married life, then express and materialize that bhavna in your life.
Pujya Shree Mota
Excerpts from Dampatya bhavna
Edition 5; pages 68 - 73.
My two cents -- Pujya Shree Mota has expressed his views on marriage in different books and on various occasions. These views were complied by Shree Rameshbhai Bhatt in the book "Dampatya bhavna" in the format of "questions and answers". I have translated excerpts from this book.
These views were expressed more then 40 to 50 years back in India.
Pujya Shree Mota : I am saddened by the state of your marriage but not hopeless. I am never hopeless. Some men have the nature of owning the women during married life. They think that wives should act according to their beliefs. They have a firm belief that wives should always obey their wishes. Some men also believe that women do not have intelligence or any emotions and are born to serve men. We have also heard that they do not have any skills or understanding. These opinions are passed along traditionally, making the beliefs firmly established.
Just as I show women their dharma (duty), men also are shown their dharma. What kind of children are born where women are treated this way. What can you expect where women are treated as slaves. If there is love flowing from the heart then even the slavery becomes bearable. They also have aspirations to progress and be happy in their hearts and you must understand this.
You are responsible for the present state of affairs of your marriage. Any one who can improve the marriage is you. It is a shame that a newly married woman wants to go to her parent's place. You are shaming the family by your behavior. Well, do you want to live this kind of unhappy and discordant life? There is nothing in your wife that should make you unhappy or quarrelsome. This is the mirror image of your own unhappiness. Your mind cannot accept even the good advice.
You should be aware of your own nature especially when it is trying to overpower you. Do naam smaran and ask for His help with love. If you do this then it is possible to rise above your nature. You will go to the bottom if you surrender to your nature. No body succeeds in any field without great effort. Nothing will happen till you sacrifice your own nature.
If you have a burning desire (bhavna) that both of you have a happy married life, then express and materialize that bhavna in your life.
Pujya Shree Mota
Excerpts from Dampatya bhavna
Edition 5; pages 68 - 73.
My two cents -- Pujya Shree Mota has expressed his views on marriage in different books and on various occasions. These views were complied by Shree Rameshbhai Bhatt in the book "Dampatya bhavna" in the format of "questions and answers". I have translated excerpts from this book.
These views were expressed more then 40 to 50 years back in India.
